Episode 80: From Trailer Park to Millionaire to Walking Away From It All
Episode Description:
We had the dream life. Big house in the suburbs. Private school tuition. Country club status. Two high-powered careers. On paper, it looked like we had arrived.
And then we walked away.
In this episode of Don’t Waste the Chaos, Kerri sits down with her most-requested guest (and husband), Terry Roberts, to unpack why they chose to leave behind everything they had built…money, comfort, success, for something radically different. This is the most personal, unfiltered conversation yet.
They talk about growing up broke, building wealth from scratch, burnout, marriage dynamics, ambition, faith, and the hard decisions behind leaving city life and starting over in the country. If you've ever wondered what success actually costs or what it really takes to protect your marriage, your peace, and your future, you need to hear this.
Tune into hear:
The backstory you never hear: From poverty and military service to building wealth without handouts or shortcuts.
A real look at burnout: The hidden toll of chasing more and why walking away was the only option.
Marriage under pressure: How their partnership survived the grind, the growth, and the hard resets.
Leaving the status quo behind: Why they gave up everything familiar for land, chickens, and quiet.
A practical decision-making framework: The simple question that’s guided every major life move for over a decade.
Mentioned in this Episode:
Previous episodes with Terry (real estate, sales + empathy):
Episode 8: Real Estate Investments
Episode 14: Sales and Empathy. Insights from a Multi-Millionaire Producer.Dave Ramsey’s tools and resources:
Dave Ramsey Baby Steps
The Legacy Journey BookMeaning of Marriage by Tim Keller:
Buy the BookWatch all episodes of Don’t Waste the Chaos:
Full Episode Library
Submit your questions for future Kerri + Terry episodes:
Email: hi@saltandlightadvisors.com
Instagram DM:@kerrimroberts or@saltandlightadvisors
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Full Transcript:
Kerri Roberts (00:01.016)
Hey there, welcome back to another episode of Don't Waste the Chaos. I am having a guest back on today. He's been on twice and it kind of blows my mind, but he is my most requested guest and that is my husband, Terry. So I've got him back on the show today and we're gonna take it a little more personal. My first two episodes with him, we talked about real estate investments. We also talked about being a salesperson when you struggle with.
Terry (00:03.999)
you
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (00:29.718)
empathy and those qualities. Those are both really, really good episodes. I highly recommend that you go back and check those out on Spotify, Apple or YouTube, however you grab the show. But today we're going to be on the personal side of things. And I've got to be honest, this is what everyone always asks me to do with them is go a little bit more personal. And one of the things that is a big, big part of our personal story is how we relocated from living in the city together and where we
Terry (00:50.847)
you
Kerri Roberts (00:57.986)
developed our life, where we developed our professional networks, our personal networks. And to a lot of people, it looks like we just pulled the rip cord and changed our entire lives. And that's essentially what we did. And so today, we're going to dive into that topic, how we went from suburbia to country life. But then I also took a few listener write-in questions, which are super fun.
Terry (01:19.199)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (01:22.946)
And if you ever want to do that, you're welcome to send your messages to hi at salt and light advisors.com that goes to my EA. She can gather those for you or you can send us a DM on any of our social media platforms, whether it's my personal platforms or salt and light. And we will make sure that we get your write in questions captured. So let me give you a little background. If you've never listened to an episode with my husband before, just a little background. So
He grew up in, candidly in poverty in a trailer park and has risen through the ranks in his life. He spent 10 years in the United States Marine Corps and is a decorated veteran in that way. He worked through quality assurance, through training, and most recently has been a mortgage broker. He was a mortgage broker for an institution as a loan officer and then has gone out on his own and a really, really cool
underdog story, I guess I would say, you know, from trailer park to multimillionaire and really one of those self-made individuals, but just like me, really strong in his faith. So that's a little bit background on him, but we're going to go ahead and hop in and tackle some of these constant questions that we get about why we left the city for the country life. So Terry, would you mind giving a little backstory on how long you lived in the city and then what success looked like for us back then?
Terry (02:47.094)
Yeah, that's a question that I could answer several different ways if I'm asked several different times at different points in life, just because I think the definition
can change on what success is based on where you're at in life. Living in the city, I guess, if I define that as not living on a farm with agriculture of any sort, I would say city living was pretty much what I had my whole life. There was a small period between second grade, pretty much elementary school, where I lived on a five acre farm. had a steer.
in Holesville, Missouri. Other than that, my whole life has been in the city. Success, then I didn't really ever even think about what success looks like. I just knew watching my parents go through what they went through based on the decisions that they made that I did not want to follow in those footsteps. That's kind of the perspective that I had as a child, as a teenager, and ended up being a motivator for me to get out of
the city that I had grown up in, which was Columbia, to just be able to, I guess, stay alive, stay out of jail and take care of my family. So that's what success meant to me. was then it was staying out of jail. It was staying off of drugs. And it was making options available so I could go to college. And after the military, I guess,
It was still city, but success at that point, because I had gotten a bachelor's degree and a master's degree, the last enlistment that I was in, I associated one for one that the more education I got, the more money I would make. Because whoever was willing to hire me, they would pay me a lot of money just because I had a lot of education. And I realized, sooner or after, that wasn't necessarily the case, which is why my
Terry (04:56.111)
my perspective of success started to change.
Kerri Roberts (05:03.34)
Yeah, so I have a million follow-up questions I could ask you on that, but we'll keep moving on from there and I'm sure they'll come back around. with us, we met, we've been together for 17 years and when we first met, I would say we had no income, we had income. We had really no money to our name, either one of us.
Terry (05:20.835)
Bye.
Kerri Roberts (05:32.14)
Terry has a previous relationship, so he's been paying child support, which has finally dropped off the map, but the first, gosh, T, how long? 15 years of our relationship you had child support to pay? Yeah, somewhere around there. And because of a past situation of mine, I even had alimony that I was paying when we first got together. And so we were both living in little apartments and we were freaking broke, but...
Terry (05:32.988)
you
Yeah, pretty close to that.
Kerri Roberts (05:59.52)
One of the things that we did very early on that I'm really, really grateful for is we talked about money and we talked about goals very early on. We didn't combine our finances until we got married, but when we were just dating, we talked a lot about what we had allowed in our lives, where we had gotten, and where we were trying to go. And so we went through Dave Ramsey. I had already been through it. Terry went through it.
Terry (06:22.428)
you
Kerri Roberts (06:26.388)
And Dave Ramsey has stayed a part of our lives ever since then. We've since done the legacy journey for people who have built substantial wealth. But when we were younger and we didn't have anything, we both went through what's called Gazelle living with Dave Ramsey, where we used up everything that we had in our little apartments and didn't buy more until we had money to pay for it and everything was empty. We hardly ate out.
Terry (06:48.348)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (06:54.222)
we really, really just paid attention to what we were spending. And so we didn't start with any level of foundation other than knowledge and desire and a lot of grit on both of our sides. And I think, you know, sometimes people look at our lifestyle now and I just like to clarify that because it would be easy to look at where we're at and think one of us came from money or one of us had some kind of nest egg or, you know, a parent that passed something down or a grandparent that died.
Terry (07:11.152)
you
Kerri Roberts (07:23.084)
That is just not the case. We've had death, we've had grieving and mourning and all of that stuff, but nobody has passed us down. Really anything. We have built this pile ourselves and it really came, it started with zero. There was zero in savings, zero in checking. And when we got together, we've built from there. And I just, think it's important that people hear that because a lot of times people think like, it must be nice or, know,
Terry (07:33.276)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (07:51.448)
They speculate and if you're listening to this right now and you feel like you have nothing, you can within a matter of how long did it take us to until we hit our first million that we've made?
Terry (08:04.187)
I would say probably 10 years, 10, 11 years.
Kerri Roberts (08:07.084)
Yeah, right around a decade. Yeah. Once we'd been together for about 10 years, we became millionaires and that it took us a decade. So if you're listening to this and you think there's all these things online where it's like, you can make a mill off of AI or being an influencer or whatever, if you can figure that out, good for you. But for us, we made it the good old fashioned way. We made salaries to start out with.
Terry (08:20.792)
you
Kerri Roberts (08:34.61)
And we got really intentional with savings. We first got really intentional about paying down and eliminating debt. We did the debt snowball. And then we started building from there, building with rental properties and things like that. So success for us, like Terry said, has changed. The definition has changed. I really, really wanted to make like $100,000 a year. I remember both of us. We were just dying to make six figures each. We just felt like we would.
Terry (09:01.403)
You
Kerri Roberts (09:04.076)
I mean, I'll speak for myself. I felt like I would arrive if I would just hit six figures in a career. I know most women don't do that. And when I hit six figures, I realized I am capable of so much more. And I'm not saying six figures is like slouchy. It's wonderful. I'm proud of you if you're at that as a male or a female. But once I got there, I just saw really quickly that there's so much more out there and there's no one as capable as me to get there. And so, and I know
Terry (09:31.291)
.
Kerri Roberts (09:33.038)
Terry felt really similarly, so we just have continued to grow and figure it out. How did you know, like on your side of things T, how did you know it was time to go? From our lifestyle that we had before with the private school and the country club and the suburban home and the big square footage and you know, all of that. How did you know for us that it was time to go?
Terry (09:55.227)
I think it was a period of time that was leading up to the final straw. And I think the pandemic had a lot to do with it. A lot of it is my personality as well. I'm not going to do something, especially if it's a lofty goal that I'm pursuing unless I am 110 % all in.
And the downside to that is it really increases the chances of achieving whatever that objective is. The downside to it is, at least for me, I have to compartmentalize. And that means when I'm focused on that goal, I subconsciously put everything else back on a shelf, including relationships, including family, including the actual important things.
the more money I made, the more addicted without realizing it I was to making more money. a big part of that, obviously the money was one piece of it, but I think another piece of it was that compartmentalization because I flipped the switches off to everything else. So I was 100 % focused on
the task at hand and that was making as much money as I could. And because I did it that way, it was you've heard the term burnout, I've heard the term, I've got a master's degree in HR management, I understand the definition of burnout, I until that point in my life didn't realize what that actually meant, because I hadn't experienced it. And I didn't even realize that I had experienced it until we
pulled chocks and left Columbia, but I could feel it. And I just, I couldn't figure out that that's what it was as hard as it seems to believe. But all of those feelings is a big gut feeling. Those three things. So the money, the burnout, not realizing it and the pandemic and seeing how society responds, you've got half that responds one way and half that responds another way. And the one
Terry (12:17.401)
thing that I think I'm pretty good at is identifying opportunities and creating safety for my family. the opportunity was seeing what land value was going to do when the pandemic hit being in the industry and the safety part was getting away from everybody. Just living in the neighborhood.
going through right in the middle of the burnout like at the peak to where I was about to lose my mind and didn't even realize that I did not want to be around other people at the end of the day when I got home. So combining all of those, was a bit, I guess it evolved into a gut feeling where it wasn't an option not to do it.
Kerri Roberts (13:08.302)
What did that look like? And I'm curious to see what you say on this. What did it look like in our marriage when we made the decision? Like what was the practical steps that we took to actually make the decision?
Terry (13:23.513)
I am a realist and years before the pandemic happened, when we were getting into rental properties, I was constantly thinking about how to leverage the equity in our home in Columbia to get as many real properties as possible. And then we would just finance the maximum amount that we could with our home. So if it really hit the fan and we lost the house, we could live in one of the rental properties and still have
and ongoing business.
Well, there's the rest of the question.
Kerri Roberts (14:00.184)
what did it look like practically in our marriage when it came time to like making the decision?
Terry (14:05.052)
So because of that perspective that I had, that was one more reason why I was looking at land. I wanted to have land. missed living on, even though it's five acres in Hallsville, Missouri, when I was in elementary school, I had a pretty good idea of what that was like and was certain that we were not going to be surrounded by people at the end of the day whenever we came home from an exhausting day of work. So that was the first part of it. think
So we constantly talked about, which you didn't like, how do we leverage the equity in the house to have a safety net? And that's another habit that I have because I grew up my whole life never having a safety net. So I'm always trying to figure out a way to have a little bit of one. It doesn't have to be outrageous. But the upside of living in a trailer park and starting out, there is that
I know that I could survive there and if all else fails, we end up back in the trailer park. We'll figure it out again. So that line of thinking, me wanting to quit my job, seeing how preoccupied you were with your job, constantly feeling like we were subconsciously keeping up with the Joneses and realizing that none of that mattered, especially after
Both girls were gone. And then Tegan was the only one left at home and realizing how fast the time is going to go by that it was time to slow down. And then we started having that conversation. We came up to the farm. The house was only three months old at the time, four months old. We were here for Christmas for about three weeks. And then in February, we decided officially we were going to make the move.
Kerri Roberts (15:58.178)
I don't think I've ever heard you, I've told that story to people. I mean, a little bit of a different version, but similar. And just listening to you talk through where we were at, like how much you wanted to quit your job, how obsessed I was with my job, the keeping up with the Joneses, like just listening to you, I can feel it in my body. Like I can feel it in my central nervous system, the like.
Terry (16:24.663)
you
Kerri Roberts (16:27.552)
almost like a tightening in my chest because life was so crazy and stressful and disjointed and hard. It was like hard then that I can like listening to you tell that story. I'm just like, wow, we were such little tornadoes.
Terry (16:51.489)
Yeah, and making a lot of money which distracted me from thinking about what success meant. So I'll get, don't know what point in this podcast we'll get to it. I don't know if you want it to be at the end, but I'll give my definition of what I think success is today versus then and just reemphasize it. That definition of success changes for people.
throughout life, but I think that if they're fortunate enough to live through various milestones, they'll end up with what the right answer of what success is.
Kerri Roberts (17:29.016)
Yeah, similar to what you just said reminds me of the book that one of the things that Terry and I did for years was read Meaning of Marriage at the start of a new year. Meaning of Marriage is by Tim Keller, excellent, excellent Christian man that we both really adored. May he rest in peace, but he...
Terry (17:37.558)
you
Kerri Roberts (17:51.598)
In one of his books, Meaning of Marriage, wrote, if you don't like something to the effect of, you don't like the personality of your spouse, just wait, because it'll change. And he quoted something like, we'll have 13 different personalities throughout the matter of our marriage. And similar to success, I think when those personalities change, then your definition of success changes too. And if it doesn't, then you're not growing or learning or evolving. And if you don't like it when your spouse changes their opinions,
Terry (18:02.171)
you
Kerri Roberts (18:20.354)
that means that you want to hold them back because you're not growing, learning, or evolving. And so that's something that we have done together and it's been scary when one of us leaves the job, when one of us goes, well, we went back to school for, he got his second masters and I got my first masters at the same time. But anytime one person like tees in a fitness program right now with the trainer, anytime one person does something that stretches them, you know, there's that initial feeling as a spouse, like,
Terry (18:26.775)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (18:49.762)
Do I agree with this? What's the implication on me? How's this gonna impact our marriage? How's this gonna impact our family? What does the future look like? What does myself expect out of me now that they're doing this thing? But, and I'm not saying it's never been hard because we have had our moments, that's for sure. Like marriage is cyclical, there's ups, there's downs. But one of the things that I think has kept us grounded is we're both really open.
Terry (18:55.61)
you
Kerri Roberts (19:16.416)
And I desire it, I think you do too, to learn and grow and get better. And so when you're doing something or when I'm doing something that's stretching, I'm like, tell me about that. Why are you doing that? I'm proud of you for doing that. I don't want you to stay the same. I don't want us to be stagnant. so while making the decision to move was a very tough one, a lot of implications, relationally and professionally and personally and all of the financially, all of that.
Terry (19:18.526)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (19:45.708)
It felt kind of exciting to be doing something, if you've never done something in your marriage that other people would may say, I'd say you're doing it wrong. Like if you don't look at your spouse and say like, this is not gonna make sense to anybody else, but like who gives a shit? If you don't do that, you're missing out on some serious dopamine and endorphins inside your marriage because to look at your spouse and say, hey, it's me and you here. We're gonna make this decision and then we're gonna have to make this work.
that really is formative in a marriage. And even though through the move there was stress, there were tears, were hard times, I think it definitely grew us for sure through that process. So thank you for sharing that. how would you say, would you say we were on the same page at first on the move?
Terry (20:38.318)
No, I was 100 % all in and really, really wasn't as worried about what you guys thought I just knew is the right thing to do, but I couldn't really, I guess, justify it, put it in the words in a way that would get you as excited to do it as I was, at least not in the beginning. I just knew that it was the right thing to do and
it was going to take a little bit of time, a little bit more time to get you on board with it. And I didn't want to dictate that this is absolutely what we're going to do until you felt OK enough to say, we need to do this. For whatever the reason was that you felt like we need to do it.
Kerri Roberts (21:15.726)
Yeah.
Kerri Roberts (21:27.874)
I remember specifically we went on a walk. This was in February. We go on a lot of walks out here, but on the President's Day weekend when we were here, we went on a walk and I remember saying to you, you're going to have to push me because I don't really want to do it. You're going to have to push me. I think, mean,
Terry (21:50.826)
you
Kerri Roberts (21:51.244)
It was risky for you, was risky for me. On your end, I would say I would have been afraid if I was you that I would hold it against you. You know me luckily well enough to know I wouldn't do that. But there's a danger there. And it was hard. And I trust you enough to know you're not really gonna push for something unless you have really, really, really thought about it. I mean, there's been risky things I felt like in real estate or different stuff like that that I did not wanna do that...
Terry (22:20.749)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (22:21.132)
We did because I was like, I know you freaking researched it and at the end of the day, wouldn't, you would never intentionally put us in harm's way. And I also know just like what you said about going back to the trailer park, like we start, because we started from nothing to me, that's very, very powerful because if we make the wrong choice or a choice that doesn't help us, we can always like just make another choice and start again. And there's a lot of power in that.
What would you say, like when it came to the move, what did that change in our marriage? Like once we moved, what do you feel like changed?
Terry (22:50.605)
I mean, there's a list of things. We spent more time together. I think we related more. A lot more meals at home, a lot more time outside, a lot less
distraction. I think it was a lot less work. There definitely was a lot less work for me as far as like from the profession. It was more work and getting the house, getting the move, managing the land, building a chicken coop, the projects around stuff like that. But professionally it was a lot less work which made it easier for me to
not fall in the trap of compartmentalizing, making money apart from everything else.
Kerri Roberts (23:56.686)
Yeah, and guess we should clarify, we made the move, but we also both freaking quit our jobs and started our own businesses. So that was a major part of this. And again, I'm sure there's going to be people who are listening that are just like, you guys are, no, you can't freaking do that. That's too much at once. But we did do that. And we did the business thing a year apart though, right? Like mine was April of 23, yours was April of 24. Is that right? Yeah.
Terry (24:24.843)
Yeah, March 24. But yeah, I remember when we ran into a friend in Columbia and he was complimenting us on what we did and how admirable it is and he wants to do it and then he finished the statement with, but I have responsibilities.
Terry (24:47.616)
Yeah, that was a zinger there.
Kerri Roberts (24:51.692)
Yeah, it's funny because I know exactly who you're talking about and what that conversation was. And it actually wasn't even that long ago, which just cracks me up that people still look at it that way. But when you're in it, when you're like in that grind and then that hustle, you just don't see another way or a lot of people don't, especially if you're obsessed with convenience. And if you are relying on your employer, which
we both think is very dangerous. And ironic for us to say that because we met at an employer together. So literally one person was responsible for paying both of our salaries, which we at the end of the day quit doing. But then I left and went somewhere and then Terry ended up with that employer too. So I'm not saying that's a horrible choice. There's just different seasons of life and just relying on an employer in general solely.
Terry (25:26.284)
.
Kerri Roberts (25:50.924)
is dangerous because it's at will, whether you're in a state that's at will or not, you're at will. none of your employment is guaranteed. And so that was a big move. But yeah, when people say stuff like, you know, I've just got bills or I've just got, it's like, yeah, we freaking have bills too. We've got kids.
Terry (26:08.638)
That's another way to look at it. Like if you ask 10 people, just 10 average people, meaning a general representation of the population in the United States of America, let's just say it's Missouri, and you ask them,
Are they willing to risk everything that they have and pay a premium for a used car and buy it as is with no warranty? Are they willing to buy a house without getting an inspection or appraisal as is without really knowing? It's the same difference when you work for somebody. It's an at-will employer. They could fire you on the spot, at least an at-will employer, without
any reason whatsoever and they don't even have to tell you what the reason is. So it's kind of along the same lines. You're literally all your eggs in one basket, especially if both you and your significant other are working for the same company, same person, same company owner or whatever it is.
Kerri Roberts (27:11.49)
Yes, okay, so let's talk about what surprised you the most. Like once we moved, I know you wanted to do this, you felt like you had clarity first and all of that. What's something that surprised you the most though once we moved? Or made you think we should have done this sooner?
Terry (27:33.087)
I'd say the only thing that really surprised me was the difference in how people in the community treated us before we moved versus after we moved here. And that wasn't necessarily a good surprise, but at the end of the day, I still say like we didn't move here for the people. It would have been cool if it had been a little bit different, but that's fine. We moved here to get away from
the hustle and we definitely did that. Good surprises would be it's taken a while but for me it's just been a long slow steady decompression of just in general just a long steady slow decompression which has allowed me to start seeing things that I was distracted from seeing before making the move. Paying attention to you
Keegan, my clients actually paying attention and not feeling like I'm in a rush all the time to go on to the next task.
Kerri Roberts (28:43.608)
That's reminding me, you haven't said it in a while, so I'm curious. So when we first moved here...
You used to give a percentage every once in a while, how, how, how did you say it? How much calmer you were, what was it?
Terry (29:02.186)
Anxiety, think it's just an anxiety rating, feeling at peace and I'm still not there. I mean, it's been three, almost three years, but I'd say I'm probably 90%. And that was just the anxiety and the constant self-imposed pressure from the burnout that was happening.
Kerri Roberts (29:28.024)
can remember we'd been here for...
maybe like six months at some point and we were having this conversation and I think you had said you were still like 90 % wound tight or 95%. It was still really high for a long time of you having a hard time of your essentially your central nervous system to calm down and to stop feeling so amped up all the time.
Terry (29:41.395)
Yeah.
Terry (29:52.394)
Yeah, it reminds me every time I think of that how somebody can work until they're 65 and then the next day they're doing nothing. They're 100 % retired and how challenging that must be if they're not easing their way, transitioning their way into that lifestyle over a period of years, like years, not even months, not even one or two years.
So I'm glad it happened now. So the way I look at it, I feel semi-retired right now and plan on keeping it that way either indefinitely or whenever I figure out what that age is, it's gonna be years out. So it's just one more step and even then it's gonna be a process. If you want to go through that transition in a healthy way.
Kerri Roberts (30:48.62)
You know, I feel like we'd be completely, and I didn't even think about this, but we would be completely remiss if we didn't talk about our decision-making framework that we've been doing for, I'm trying to think of when did we do that eight week Andy Stanley Bible study with our small group when we were both at the mortgage company?
Terry (31:06.888)
I think it was 2014.
Kerri Roberts (31:08.864)
Okay, so it's been over 10 years ago, 11 years ago. We used to lead this couples group and they were like engaged or dating or early married couples when we worked at this mortgage company together. We led this small group, which was a huge blessing in our life, by the way. It was challenging for us too, because we were in a challenging season. We had a a little kid and that's an exhausting season. But we went through this process and we have really adopted this framework that we learned from.
Terry (31:21.601)
you
Kerri Roberts (31:38.08)
Andy Stanley, and I know people have differing opinions on Andy Stanley and like before you even Google him or whatever, the framework is freaking good, okay? So it is what do I know from my past experiences, or based on my past experiences, my current circumstances and my future hopes and dreams, based on those things, what would be a wise decision to make? And we have used that when it comes to like,
Terry (31:47.816)
Thank
Terry (31:57.257)
you
Kerri Roberts (32:06.498)
does Terry need to buy a motorcycle or how are we gonna handle a parenting thing? So we use that framework and if we use it and we really get honest about it, is no way, bless you babe, there's no way that you can lose, honestly, because it makes you get really real with yourself. So like when it comes to the move, it's like what do we know from our past experiences? Well in the past,
Terry (32:33.8)
.
Kerri Roberts (32:35.096)
We're both really prone to be workaholics. We both really get a lot of our personal fulfillment from work and we knew what was happening. We were overwhelmed with our schedules and I would have loved to have said, yeah, we can live in the city and just start saying no. We just need to say no more. And it's like, we just kept not saying no and both kept taking on more things. Usually in the name of it's probably gonna get us some more money, expand our network.
It was just stretching us super thin, whatever it was. And so that was our past. We had just seen a pattern of behavior. The current circumstances were what they were. Like we were exhausted. I was freaking overweight. Like we were drinking all of the time. I was self soothing with alcohol, drugs, whatever. I think Terry was too. We were just in a place, but our future hopes and dreams were a place where we were.
Terry (33:27.912)
you
Kerri Roberts (33:31.15)
where we were centered, where we prioritized our marriage, where we were present parents, where we didn't have a freaking driver and a nanny and all of this stuff, where we were in this circle and we just kept thinking like, well, they fly private, so that's what we should and would do. And you know, all of these things. We need a vacation home. We've got a lot of money, so we should do all of these things with people with a lot of money to do. When we walk through that process, it's just so freaking clear that we needed to move. And I would say,
Terry (33:58.055)
you
Kerri Roberts (34:01.048)
probably as I've given that example, you're thinking of things where it's like, yeah, it's really, really obvious that you need to make a change, but you're just not doing it because you're stuck or you're scared or whatever. And having a partner that supports you in that change is clutch, because I think a lot of times there's one partner that'll hold you back. One partner is keeping you stuck, usually. Sometimes it's both of you, but a lot of times there's one partner who's like fighting, kicking, and screaming, just won't see.
Terry (34:29.543)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (34:30.462)
better way and that's key. And that reminds me one of the writing questions that we got was the importance of having a partner who is supportive and I mean I think the person who wrote in the question already knows the answer like it's it's the most important like yes were Terry and I attracted to each other? Do we have sexual energy? You know all of that stuff like yes we had all of that from the very beginning.
Terry (34:54.055)
you
Kerri Roberts (34:59.736)
But I think what sustained us over the last 17 years has been this business partnership that we've always had. We've always talked about our dreams and our goals and not in a pie in the sky way, but like, you could get there by doing this or what if we did this or I could do this and that would help you get there. We've always been like that with each other. And I would say, I know opposites attract, but.
Terry (35:11.719)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (35:26.998)
I'd be scared for people to get married if you cannot get on the same page when it comes to financial goals. I mean, it's huge. And I'm not saying it's because you have to make a ton of money. You just have to be on the same page on your spending habits, your savings and stuff. What would you say about that, T?
Terry (35:36.71)
I think it's also important to have a good small, close circle of friends to, I guess, just listen. A men's group, a women's group, church.
daily devotionals, because any couple, whether they're married or not, thinks that they can get through life happily just by expecting the other partner to satisfy their needs is going to learn soon enough that they're sadly mistaken. So I think that was another big part that helped us get through that. And by doing things like that, if you have supportive friends,
and not just supportive of you, but supportive of your spouse or your significant other as well that you have a relational bridge of trust with, they can call you on it when you're off base or support you on it if it seems like it makes sense or at least ask thought-provoking questions to help you guys come to a wise decision on whatever that next move might be.
Kerri Roberts (36:59.086)
Hmm, that's so good. And I've that that is a hot take right there. If you have friends that don't support your marriage, cut them out. Literally cut them out. Like we have done that over and over and over again. And it's been either dangerous people like people who are actively having affairs and you know, like wanting to party with one of us or whatever. Like that's, that's obvious, right? Like we.
probably shouldn't be around our friends who are sleeping around and wanting to get drunk with us all the time. But the less obvious are the ones who take little jabs at your spouse or, you know, they're maybe a little jealous of your spouse's relationship. I had somebody who was like, you know, I feel like your spouse is trying to take you away from all your friends and get you to move out in the middle of nowhere. That danger. I had to end that relationship. And...
I think most people aren't willing to do that because they've got like their childhood friends or their college buddies or their whatever, the person that they've got this bond with. But if that person cannot respect your marriage, then I would say if you stay in that friendship, you don't respect your marriage. Your marriage is going to suffer because of that relationship. That is a hot take that I will stand on all day long. And Terry and I have went round and round about friends. We will dissect our friends. There have been times where he's been like, hey,
Terry (38:16.965)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (38:21.922)
I don't like this, this is what's being said or done, I feel like it's counterproductive to our marriage and I'm calling you on it. And it doesn't feel good when it's people that you love and people that you're in a relationship with, but if you don't make space in your marriage to hear and receive that feedback and make sure that those relationships are honoring to your marriage, it will be at the detriment of your marriage. And at the end of the day, you're not going to bed with those people and those people aren't sharing your pocketbook. So you really need to double down with your spouse and not your buddies.
Terry (38:52.964)
Every time.
Kerri Roberts (38:54.206)
every time. That is a, that's been a huge one for us and you know what for anybody who's listening to this it's like is that why our relationship took a pause? Yeah it is probably.
Terry (39:05.463)
Relationships are hard enough. mean, when you have a friend that whether they were a friend before or after that relationship started, if they're not supportive of that relationship, now you're just piling on a whole other level of complexity to try and make that relationship work.
Kerri Roberts (39:26.69)
Yeah, that's a big one. We could have a whole freaking episode about that. So speaking of things that people wrote in, here's a question. Terry, how do you feel about the question, who wears the pants in your relationship?
Terry (39:40.836)
I didn't know. I saw some of the questions, but I didn't prepare. So this is the first time I've heard this question. How do I feel when somebody asks us who wears the pants?
Kerri Roberts (39:46.712)
Yeah.
Kerri Roberts (39:55.19)
And we have been asked that, yes we have.
Terry (39:57.175)
Yeah, I would, I mean, the first thought that comes across my mind is they're whoever's asking is ignorant or closed minded because they they're implying that only one person can wear pants when I mean, there's plenty of really good examples where both sides wear pants and I think
a successful marriage isn't about wearing the pants, it's about honoring and respecting each other. It's also like other things in life, know what your strengths and weaknesses are. And if a marriage is complimentary, then you know what your strengths are, what their strengths are, and you rely on them for theirs, and they'll rely on you for yours.
Kerri Roberts (40:51.308)
Yeah.
Terry (40:52.301)
But yeah, it seems kind of ignorant. And whether or not it's intentional, it just seems like an ignorant question. It's kind of close-minded, I think.
Kerri Roberts (41:00.46)
I think so too and I feel like it's mostly come from, and I'm, I'd say I'm stereotyping but I've literally been asked this before multiple times. Usually it comes from men with stay at home wives that I think they would feel threatened if their wife, whatever, fluxed on them or whatever they did. And so they're curious what that looks like in our marriage but it's just not a, it's not an issue for us. What's something that drives you nuts about my work style?
Terry (41:35.011)
I don't think there's anything that annoys me or drives me nuts about your work style. I really can't think of anything. I don't think we can work together. I could give reasons on why. Since I don't have an answer for what drives me nuts about your work style, I think when...
especially if other people are around and 99 % of the time will come to the same resolution, but in literally opposite ways. And the process of getting to that resolution is not pretty. It's almost like if there's anybody else that witnessed or a part of that, it's collateral damage to them to the point where they're so distracted from the conflict that we have to get there just to going back and forth.
Kerri Roberts (42:18.158)
You
Terry (42:33.141)
where once we get to the resolution, they will either be, if they're still there and watching the whole thing happen from start to finish, they will either be devastated from the experience or feel like they just witnessed a miracle and then they'll want to see it again.
Kerri Roberts (42:56.798)
Yeah and I should clarify, Terry and I are not physical with each other and we're not yellers, but we are both very intense people. We were born, we're a few years apart, but we're born six days apart. We're both Virgos and freaking type A folks and strong and intense and all of those things. So yes, being in a meeting with us is not comfortable.
I actually am kind of entertained when other people do that, because I know what's coming. It's just innate inside of us. I'd say the only thing that, and I wouldn't really say drives me nuts about your work style, but the only thing is, little peek behind the curtain, like right before we got on this today, here's a prime example, this is just like the way it works, Terry's a freaking mortgage broker, so his stuff, sure, are there HR emergencies like,
Terry (43:32.546)
you
Kerri Roberts (43:51.49)
I guess sure, but I don't have like the closing room floor the way that he does. And so he'll be stressed to the max because stuff's falling apart. And right before we got on this call, I was like, mental check, are you good? Take a deep breath because his work is really stressful in the 11th hour and it doesn't drive me nuts. I just wish it didn't have to be that way for him, but it's just kind of the nature of his business. And then when it closes, it's freaking kumbaya and yeah, and that.
That happened and it always freaking goes down like that. Sometimes it falls apart all the way, but most of the time it's salvageable. Just really stressful, which I kind of hate for you. What's something that people would be surprised about in our relationship?
Terry (44:40.777)
If they don't know us, guess they would probably be surprised that I do dishes, I cook, I squeegee the glass from a shower after a shower, I can do laundry.
Terry (45:10.145)
I guess, I mean, I don't know. Those are some of the things that I think about as far as our relationship. I'm not always outside in the way. It was probably more like that before we moved out here, but I took more now than I ever have in my life and enjoy doing it. Almost to the point where we talked about starting a restaurant and then realizing after past experiences, current circumstances, future hopes and dreams, that would not be the wise thing to do.
Kerri Roberts (45:38.2)
Yeah, we actually are pretty good. We've had somebody, we've actually had multiple people. People love to come over and be served by us. And Terry is usually like the main dish cook. And then I'm like the side, like the prep kitchen and the desserts and stuff like that. And we actually had somebody one day watching us in the kitchen and we were getting everything ready and they said, you guys need to start a cooking show. And I was like, I really think that people would only watch because they would be nervous. Like, because we are so...
Terry (46:00.801)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (46:08.244)
Intense it's not like hey, baby. Will you blow a block? It'll be like, what are you doing? How long is that gonna take you told me it would be 30 minutes like I It would be entertaining, but I just don't know I don't think that's in the cards for us But maybe maybe we ought to start recording our cooking sessions and doing a freaking live stream on our cooking
Terry (46:30.589)
It's a reality TV-esque, I think.
Kerri Roberts (46:32.782)
I would also say things that surprise people about our relationship is Terry is more extroverted whereas I'm more introverted and I think people always flip-flop us in that way just because I'm a little like warmer but Terry's more social than I am. He can be around people for much longer periods of time than I can but I think a lot of that is he can detach from people when they're in his presence where I cannot.
And so it's not because he's around them and he's fueled by them necessarily, it's that he can be around people and be unbothered by them. I can't, if I'm in the presence of people, their energy is directly impacting me. So we both require a lot of time, quiet time, downtime, but for different reasons.
Terry (47:26.019)
I think one of the things that would surprise people is we compare our sleep scores.
Kerri Roberts (47:32.94)
You
Terry (47:33.957)
super exciting, but that's something that we think is important and we talk about every day. Sleep score, readiness score.
Kerri Roberts (47:40.375)
Yeah.
Kerri Roberts (47:44.664)
hitting activity goals, all of that stuff. We go through our workouts, what we ate, all of that. Definitely accountability partners. That part we have got down freaking pat in our marriage is accountability partners when it comes to like professional and personal stuff. Give us a juicy secret. That was one of them. Give us a juicy secret.
Terry (48:07.572)
The farm
Terry (48:22.592)
Kerri Roberts (48:25.164)
Are you going to say what it is?
Terry (48:28.703)
It's just, it's lemonade that's infused with THC. So it helps me sleep even though I'm getting through the other side with anxiety. It's been, I can't smoke after the pulmonary embolism. So it's just, it's a way that is enjoyable, tastes good and helps me sleep well and start the next day.
Often I don't need alcohol.
Kerri Roberts (48:59.422)
Mmm, that is a juicy secret. don't think I've outside of friends. I haven't shared that so he is referring to my farm magic and I'll give you a quick recipe because I Literally, I change it every single time Terry knows everything I ever make I always make differently every single time but I take water and then either monk fruit sugar or coconut sugar or cane sugar whatever sugar I have on hand and I make like a simple syrup and I put
bud in it, like actual flower, and I turn it low and slow for about 22 minutes and then I strain that out and I either juice lemons or limes or most recently I used some huckleberry that we got in Montana at our most recent trip and we make a little lemonade out of it. It makes like six to eight little jars and we store it in the fridge and that usually takes, I don't know, three weeks, something like that.
Terry (49:50.107)
Mm-hmm.
Kerri Roberts (49:56.14)
to go through, he's a slow sipper on it, but that's really helped with alcohol consumption and yeah, keeping those lungs clean. That is a juicy secret, that was a good one, I wasn't thinking of that. Okay, what's one thing that I never do that you wish I would, and I am, keep this PG.
Terry (50:18.654)
That's a loaded question. One thing you would never do that I wish you would.
Kerri Roberts (50:29.229)
Yeah.
Terry (50:42.14)
I don't know, I'll have to come back to that one. I need to think about it. One thing you'd never do, huh?
Kerri Roberts (50:46.114)
Yeah, and I literally just typed this in right before the episode launched. So I don't know, the only thing I could really think was like.
But you do it. The thing is you end up doing it. I always want you to hang Christmas lights and you don't like doing that, but you do it. So I was trying to think of like, what's something that I really, really want you to do that you won't actually do? Cause usually with enough prompting, I don't like to say nagging, but enough like reasons, you usually do it.
Terry (51:18.214)
Probably.
be all in every time to go camping and ride side by side and motocross dirt bikes, four wheelers, get muddy, stuff like that.
Kerri Roberts (51:32.238)
Yes.
Terry (51:34.91)
attempt or go hunting in the mountains with me.
Kerri Roberts (51:40.576)
Yeah, I wouldn't say I'd never do it. We're getting closer. I've at least like opened my mind up to an RV once Keegs graduates when we've got the capacity for it. Yeah, one thing that I'm not saying you never do this, but one thing that I would like is you know I love a good girls trip or work trip or whatever and I'd love it if you would be like, my gosh, I'm so excited for you.
Terry (51:45.918)
Mm-hmm.
Kerri Roberts (52:08.994)
That's so fun and get, but you don't. You're more like, why? How long? When are you coming back? But I can't really complain about that because at least you want me around.
Terry (52:20.477)
That's a good thing.
Kerri Roberts (52:23.606)
I can't really complain about that. Okay. this one's an easier one. Who's adjusted better to country life? This is so funny, because I think people would think it's me, because I'm from here. I'm originally from about five minutes from where we live, but that is definitely Terry. Definitely immediately became country boy, like he was the one that grew up around here. But there are a million things about it that I do love, but I would say definitely that's you, Terry, wouldn't you?
Terry (52:28.637)
Okay.
Terry (52:52.931)
Yes, I'd agree. But I think you're about there. If not already, you settled in. It takes time to adjust, folks. It's a big change.
Kerri Roberts (52:59.884)
Yeah, so many things I love about it, really.
Kerri Roberts (53:06.21)
Yes. Okay, anything else that you want to add before we wrap this episode?
Terry (53:13.693)
Strong relationships, mean, even if it's something that one of the partners doesn't agree with, if they're supportive of one another, they'll at least be open enough to hear the other out. So maybe it might change the mind eventually. definition of success, I think, I don't think you can make, words to it. I think it's a feeling.
think now, mean, Matt McConnay says it's my goals are where do I want to be in five years and then five years, where do want to be in five years after that? I think part of it is if you're fortunate enough where you have that last few minutes to reflect before you die that you're proud of the decisions that you made with your time that you had. You've minimized your regrets or the things that you do regret
Do you feel good about what you did with your time remaining to, I guess, redeem yourself somehow with the decisions that you made that led to that regret in the first place? But I think a lot of it is being content. The more content you feel, more frequently content that you feel about yourself, about your relationships, about life, I think the more
closer that is to what I think the definition of success is.
Kerri Roberts (54:46.094)
Yeah, well said. Well said. I would say I get asked often about our marriage. A lot of women will see our marriage and women say they want a really strong marriage and they want a supportive husband and they want all of these things. And I would say you have to sacrifice a whole lot if that's what you actually want. I mean, we could go into, on both sides of it, not just me.
Terry (55:09.212)
Thank
Kerri Roberts (55:12.332)
we could go into an entire episode of all of the things that we have sacrificed for one another or put on the back burner or acquiesced to so we can have a happy marriage. And that's not like, boo hoo, like, poor me. I've had to, because you get a really happy, like, what do you want? If you really want a successful marriage where you feel loved and supported and valued and safe, then there are other things that you.
need to give up because they're not in alignment with that desire. something that I learned a long time ago in a therapy session back when Terry and I were in one of our cycles was essentially, if you're thinking to yourself, I deserve more, better, different. I want blah, blah. There are some key indicators in that phrase and that is I, and that is selfish thinking. And I'm not saying I don't have...
Terry (55:48.248)
Okay.
Kerri Roberts (56:07.808)
almost literally everything that I want in life, because I do and I make that happen for myself. But when I find myself thinking, well, I deserve better than that or I blah, blah, I immediately because of that therapy session, remember that is selfish thinking right now. I'm thinking about only myself and I can't succeed in my marriage if I'm not thinking about us, both of us at the same time. And it pivots my thinking, but.
My gratitude practice helps a lot with that. Every day when I'm doing my gratitude practice, it's not hard because I've got a million things to be grateful for. like for example, the other day I was like, I'm so grateful that Terry's so handy around the house. I'm so grateful that he's able to get in and figure anything out. Like I make sure that I'm pointing out to myself the things that I'm fortunate to have in my husband because I think so many times it's easier to think about what you don't have.
and you forget about what you do and I know that's very rudimentary and cliche or whatever, but try saying it out loud to yourself. I'm so grateful that my spouse does this and I'm grateful that my spouse does this and I'm grateful that my spouse is like this. And if you do that every single day, you'll be literally shocked to see the shortcomings fade away and become less and less important to you because you have a grateful heart and a grateful posture towards your spouse. It is truly a game changer that I challenge you to do.
Terry (57:10.823)
you
Kerri Roberts (57:32.448)
I think there's really nothing more important in our lives than our marriage. And because of our marriage, we both have really strong, thriving careers. We've got a really cool kid. Our life is romanticized because of the investment we've made in our marriage. I really think so.
Terry (57:52.334)
Yeah, I mean, in a marriage, if it's to become one flesh, then how can you say I? One of the very first things they do in the Marine Corps and boot camp is you never refer to yourself
in the first person. You say, this recruit, this Marine, never I, because you're a part of a team. And that's the way a marriage is. So as soon as you start focusing on yourself, whether or not it's intentional, you can be disregarding to become one flesh, you're cutting your marriage in half by putting your needs before
marriage.
Kerri Roberts (58:38.7)
Yeah. Okay. Well, that's a perfect place to wrap. Thank you for being on this show with me. And based on popular demand, Terry is going to be on the show at least once a quarter. like who freaking knew of all of the people that I interview, people keep wanting my husband back. So you know what, like that works, we get to hang out a little bit in this way. And so, he will be on every quarter. And if you've got questions for us, freaking write them in and you can ask.
Carrie and Terry, and we will give you what you want to hear and most of the time what you actually don't want to hear. And we're going to challenge you and hopefully we'll help build a whole army of strong marriages out there because that is our desire. I know that marriage is hard, making changes is hard, sticking to a good decision framework is hard, but the work is worth it. So don't waste the chaos and bracelet until next time.
